I'm Fucking Overwhelmed

 

I know I'm not alone in this.  I have so much going on in my life right now, and at times it feels completely unmanageable.  I have a full time job which is extremely stressful;  I have a marriage that requires time and commitment; I'm an activist, blogger, model and writer too.  Many of the things that are happening are wonderful, and my hard work is paying off in all sorts of amazing ways.  But I feel the need to slow down and say "no" more often.  
  
Many of you know I have fibromyalgia, which is a chronic illness I'm learning more about since my diagnosis last year.  For me that means I can't do everything I want, because my body simply won't let me.  

It's very frustrating, but at the same time it feels good to slow down and make time to take care of myself. My doctor told me, "you need to really pamper yourself."  I don't think any medical professional has ever said that to me.  But it was just what I needed to hear. 

I know intellectually that getting massages regularly, and going to bed early are not only good for my body, but also for my mental health.  But strangely enough, I find relaxing really hard to do.  Even when I'm not technically working, I'm on social media late at night, or doing chores, or running errands, or thinking about what's next. I'm always running!

It's rare that I'm still.

What does all this mean, anyway?  

I think it means that I have to trust the Universe/God/Goddess/Higher Power to guide me during this tough adjustment period.  I'm a spiritual person who has lost her way a bit.  I'm a tough broad, but I'm not impermeable.  I'm human and I have limits.  

As a feminist I often feel like I have to do more just to prove that I'm down with the cause -- that I'm always hustling.  But an exhausted Pia cannot be of service, she cannot give her best if she is not caring for herself first.  It feels selfish to say no and to take a nap instead, even if that's what I really need.  

So, if you see less of me on social media, it's not because I've abandoned this important piece of my life, it's because I need a break from time to time. I'm still here. I'm just taking extra special care of myself.

In solidarity,
Pia